Domestic Violence Knows No Bounds

The recent arrest for domestic violence of famed singer/songwriter Don McLean, at his home in Camden, Maine once again brings to light the prevalence of family abuse. More glaringly, however, it spotlights just how little has been achieved in eradicating this plague that transgresses every socioeconomic barrier in society.

At the time of this writing, few details on McLean’s arrest have been made public and the 70 year old singer of such hits as American Pie and Cats in the Cradle has not been convicted of anything in connection with this incident, but his mere arrest is telling enough to propel the conversation surrounding domestic violence back into the public consciousness and create another teaching moment for children and adults alike.

The United Nations defines domestic violence as “…that [which] results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering… including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life”.

According to Statistics Canada, there were 88,000 victims of police-reported family violence in 2013, representing more than a quarter of all violent crimes reported. Victims can be male or female, straight or otherwise, rich or poor, young or old, hold advanced educational degrees or be illiterate, believe in a faith or not, be of any color, and defy any combination thereof. The same can be said of those who perpetrate the violence.

Figures vary immensely depending on the criteria established, but estimates indicate that only one in five incidents of domestic violence is ever reported in Canada. Not surprisingly, female victims are twice as likely as male victims to file a complaint of domestic abuse, according to the Canadian Association For Equality (CAFE).   

The Canadian Women’s Foundation cites an alarming statistic that on any given day, 3300 women and their 3000 children will be sleeping in a shelter because of a domestic violence issue. A further 200 women are turned away due to lack of space. There are no men’s shelters in Canada for victims of domestic abuse.

The public discussion surrounding domestic violence is a fairly recent phenomenon, having once been whispered as a private family matter. Still, evidence continues to mount that the openness with which domestic abuse is discussed has yet to be potent enough to see it expunged. Violence should never be acceptable, regardless of the circumstance.

In 2012, the first study in Canada was conducted to quantify the costs of spousal domestic violence. The study undertaken for the Government of Canada’s Department of Justice stated, “Including the impact borne by the justice system, the impact borne by primary victims, and the impact borne by third parties and others, the total economic impact of spousal violence in Canada in 2009 is estimated at $7.4 billion amounting to $220 per Canadian”.

Money aside, the impact domestic violence has on a victim mentally, socially, physiologically, emotionally, and physically is devastating and immortal. Absenteeism from work for medical appointments and court appearances causes some victims to lose their job. Family splits cause some to lose their standing in houses of worship. The abused tend to move more often to avoid further violence. Persistent medical issues can result from abuse. These are but a few of many scars left as a result of domestic violence.

What can you do if you think someone is being abused? The Canadian Women’s Foundation offers these tips for female victims of domestic violence, but is applicable for all.

·         If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or the emergency number in your community.

·         Put her safety first. Never talk to anyone about abuse in front of their suspected abuser. Unless she specifically asks for it, never give her materials about domestic abuse or leave information through voice messages or emails that might be discovered by her abuser. However, abuse thrives in secrecy, so speak up if you can do so safely.

·         If she wants to talk, listen. If she doesn’t, simply tell her she does not deserve to be harmed and that you are concerned for her safety. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help, but don’t offer to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or feels unsafe.

·         If she decides to stay in the relationship, try not to judge her. Remember, leaving an abuser can be extremely dangerous. Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can offer a woman who is being abused is your respect.

·         Learn about emergency services in your community, such as your local women’s shelter or sexual assault centre. Search on-line, or consult the front pages of your telephone directory.